The Brooke and Peyton drama is in full swing as Brooke sticks to her promise of not speaking to her former BFF. She walks right past her at school with a look of absolute stone cold bitchiness on her face. I can't say that Peyton doesn't deserve it.
Jake Jagielski (!!!) is back and asks Peyton for a favor. He has a wedding to go to and needs a babysitter for little Jenny. Peyton obliges and Jake gives her the nod ("He gave her the nod!") and walks away with a big ole smile on his face. Sometimes I wonder if Peyton and Jake were robbed, folks. And then I remember that the two broody blondes (Pey and Luke) definitely deserved one another more in the end. Nobody else was gonna put up with their stupid asses.
Nathan is living with Dan at the moment, which seems like zero fun to me but to each their own. Nate's running late to school everyday since I guess the beach house is further away from school, so Dan solves the problem with the most logical solution ever; a brand new car. There's nothing like a father buying his son's love.
Meanwhile, Haley really wants Sheryl Crow tickets, which is kind of a cool and normal subplot with all the craziness going on with everyone else's lives. Lucas is frustrated big time because he can't play basketball, physical therapy isn't help, he's an asshole, and both his girlfriends aren't speaking to him. Bitch Davis has a great encounter with him in the hallway where she tells him how stupid he is, and he just looks at her, dumbfounded.
Lucas, Haley, and Karen all have dinner together for the first time since probably the first episode and while they're all joking around and having a good time, Lucas decides to be the worst and explode on the two of them and then storm off to the bar. LUCAS. You suck right now! He uses the fake ID Brooke gave him to order a drink and then flirts it up with some older chick with horrible eyeliner. Who is this mysterious woman? Her name is Nikki, and she can do magic tricks with a set of matches and alcohol. She also used to work at the mall and has the key to the carousel. They break all kinds of laws (I'm assuming) and have sex on said carousel. In hindsight I really hope this isn't how Lucas lost his virginity because it's just so awful. Nikki is way worse than I thought (and I already thought she was bad) and this whole plot is just...gross.
Karen is concerned about Lucas since, ya know, he just had his spleen removed like a couple days ago. She calls Peyton who hasn't seen him and also Brooke who is ignoring all her calls in favor of wearing a velvet track suit and eating Chinese food. Peyton goes over to Brooke's to ask for help and Bitch Davis is like, "Fuck you, I'm busy." B then realizes exactly where Luke is, the bar she took him, and goes with Peyton despite her current hatred for her former BFF. The bartender tells them about how Luke left with the Eyeliner Whore and Brooke is not surprised at all. I love this moment because you see another really human side of Brooke Davis. She says that she's the most hurt by what happened not because of what Lucas did, but because Peyton, her best friend did. Of course on the surface that sounds like a guy v.s. girl thing and how society gives women crap and gives men excuses, but I think Brooke might have a point here. She and Lucas had just started dating. Her and Peyton have been best friends forever. She didn't know what Lucas was capable of, but she thought she knew Peyton. Also, kudos to Pey for eventually breaking it off, but also, she let it on behind B's back for much longer than she should have. End rant.
Deb is keeping secrets from everybody because Dan is about to dig up a bunch of shit from her past. She eventually comes clean to Nate that a few years back she left Dan to be with someone else, but then came back. This scene is heartbreaking because Dan is clearly an emotionally abusive and manipulative father, and Deb left her only son with him so that she could escape. Nathan says, "No, Mom. You didn't come back for me. You came back because your fling ended." He goes on to describe how terrible that Summer was, and how he called her from help and she didn't help. Sorry, Deb. Your reign as the superior Scott parent has ended. Y'all are both disgusting humans. Poor Nate.
You know what else is terrible? An earlier exchange between Dan and Lucas. It's volatile in ways I can't even describe, which is probably why I didn't mention it before. Thinking about it makes me uncomfortable. I am deciding not to talk about it.
Lucas comes home and apologizes to Karen, who is done with his bullshit. Lucas also goes to Whitey and encourages him to replace him while he's injured.
Brooke makes fun of Peyton for "playing house with Jake Jagielski" and while I don't agree with every insult she throws Peyton and Lucas's way, she does have so many good ones. Jake invites Peyton stay after he returns from the wedding to enjoy some pizza and a movie and he's perfect. At the cafe, Sheryl Crow shows up wanting some coffee while Nathan and Haley discuss his decision to become emancipated from his parents. Haley freaks out in the most adorable way and Nathan captures a picture of her and Sheryl on his little tiny flip phone. God, a drama free of episode with Naley? The best.
Jake cleans up from his night with Peyton and finds a picture of Jenny she drew. Just then, someone knocks on the door. It's none other than the Eyeliner Whore asking him, "How's my daughter?" Cue daunting music.
Favorite line: "As for excuses, you don't own me any. I'm not your girlfriend. And from here on out, I'm not even your friend." Bitch Davis shoots, and Bitch Davis fucking scores.
Worst character introduction: Nikki. Yuck. Eyeliner Whore.
Most annoying character: Deb. Pull yourself together. You are crumbling and it's an ugly look on you.
Oddest guest star: Sheryl "One song per cup" Crow???
Random Observation: The way that Dan talks to Keith when buying his business is very similar to the mannerisms of early season 1 Nathan talking to Lucas. I'm so happy those two don't turn into these two.
What did you think of the intro of Nikki? What's your favorite Brooke Davis insult? And mostly importantly, were Peyton and Jake robbed of a happily ever after? Tell me in the comments!