Tree Hill High is a weird place where they auction off their basketball players for charity. And guess what? People pay GOOD money for these teenage boys. I mean, I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy watching Jake Jagielski fake strip in a Ravens costume or watching Nathan Scott for real strip across the stage, but the principle of the thing is so odd. But it leads to some really good interactions between characters that don't spend nearly enough time together, so I guess it's okay?
At the auction, Brooke is upset because she didn't bring cash, and the event is strictly cash only. There are only four boys left; Tim, Jake, Lucas, and Nathan. Nobody wants Tim, because he's Tim, so Deb pays 8 dollars to have him do some chores around her house. However, the way she phrases things (like how dirty he's going to get) makes it sound like she bought him for sex. Yikes.
Peyton wants to bid on Jake, but she only has 87 dollars and 53 cents and is outbid by a random voice in the crowd. Haley doesn't bid on Nathan ("I get him for free!") and instead goes for Lucas, because she hasn't been able to spend much time with him lately. She wins him, but is second guessing herself when she sees her boyfriend totally play up the whole strip tease theme of the auction, and becomes nervous that some random girl is going to try to hook up with him. She begs Peyton to bid on him, and even gives her money to do so. What's worse? Leaving your boyfriend with a random girl or his ex-girlfriend? Peyton is the highest bidder, and Brooke stumbles in just as the auction is coming to a close. When people start bidding on Mouth, who was just helping with the mics, she pays 200 dollars upfront for him.
Brooke is disappointed that nobody wants to switch boy toys with her, as she had an entire night planned to make herself feel better after the whole Lucas situation. However, when she sees how sad Mouth looks because he won't actually be getting a date, she decides to hang out with him anyway, and takes him to a strip club. They're supposed to be like, 16/17 right? Am I reading too much into this being weird? Probably. Anyways, their friendship eventually turns into something really special.
Jake's bidder turns out to be his baby mama, Nikki, or as Haley calls her "Bar Slut" or as I refer to her "Eyeliner Whore". Doesn't matter what you call her, she's the worst. She tells Jake how sorry she is that she left Jenny behind, but that she was scared of being a mother and didn't think she was ready. Nikki, my not friend, you had nine months to prepare! She wants to be back in Jake and Jenny's lives, but he is not into it. Jake Jagielski, you are a good man.
Nathan takes Peyton to his new apartment and informs her that he is officially newly emancipated. They talk on his bed (he doesn't have any furniture yet) and then check out the apartment complex's pool. There's some mild flirting, and then Nate does a sneak attack and jumps into the pool with Peyton in tow. You see, because I know how the series ends and because we only saw them as a couple for like three episodes, this doesn't bother me at all. They're forming a cute friendship and discuss all the ways they didn't work as a couple. And Nathan makes it clear that he's trying to be a better dude for Haley because it's what she deserves.
Lucas and Haley are back on the roof of the cafe like old times, and they begin to have a water (and milk) balloon fight like a couple of 10 year olds. We really don't get to see them interact much anymore unless they're yelling at each other, so I love this scene because it's wholesome and adorable. Everything comes to a halt though when Lucas notices something on Haley's lower back (cough, tramp stamp, cough). She tries to brush it off, but it's so clearly a tattoo that she must come clean. She got Nathan's basketball number, 23, tattooed on her. Haley James! What are you doing? Turns out, she doesn't really know what she's doing, she just knows that she's completely and hopelessly in love. I'm giving her a pass because that feeling is brutal and we've all been there.
Lucas doesn't give her a pass though, and starts freaking out. She insists that Nathan doesn't even know about the tattoo, or that she loves him, and that she just kind of did it. He accepts this answer and decides to be supportive, except for when they head over to Nathan's apartment and he sees Nate giving Peyton her "midnight kiss" (it's part of the auction rules). Lucas mistakes it for a real kiss, even after him and Haley give each other a quick peck to adhere to the rules. He drops Haley off at home instead, and tells her that he will always be there for her. It's sweet, but also, a total and complete misunderstanding!
When Tim arrives at the Scott residence and Deb calls out that she's in the bath, he mistakes that for "it's sex time!" and strips down to just an unfortunate cheetah print speedo. When they both realize the misunderstanding, Deb rushes to help Tim get dressed, but Dan Scott chooses that moment to walk through the door, catching Deb and Tim in a compromising position. "The lawyers are gonna love this," he says as he shuts the door. What did you come here for, Dan!?! Go back to your f'ing beach house!
Mouth thanks Brooke for giving him the best night of his life, but she has become sad and mopey and unlike herself. She is quiet and sad, and despite how many times Mouth explains that Lucas is a good guy who probably just messed up, she cries and looks off like she knows something we don't. She visits the River Court and approaches Lucas with those same tears in her eyes and reveals to him that she thinks she might be pregnant. Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no.
Oh, and in other news, Karen and Larry go on a date and then Keith asks Karen to marry him. Weird shit. Stay tuned for her answer.
Favorite line: Nathan, "Alright, let's get this over with." Peyton to Haley, "Funny, that's what he used to say before we had sex." Cue a very scared look on Haley's face and a smile on Peyton's. Too funny.
Best friendship: Three-way-tie between Haley and Lucas, Brooke and Mouth, and Nathan and Peyton.
Character I want to go away: Nikki. She is serving no purpose here.
Drama that I don't have time for: Brooke thinking she's pregnant. Spoiler alert: She ain't.
Random Observation: Everything Deb says to Tim is insanely sexual. Literally everything. Down to her calling him "Timmy".
What do you think of Haley's tattoo? Is Jake wrong for not wanting Nikki in his and Jenny's lives? Do you prefer the nickname 'Bar Slut' or 'Eyeliner Whore'? Did you really think Brooke was preggers? Tell me in the comments!