One Tree Hill Rewatch: Season 2, Episode 3 "Near Wild Heaven"

Image Credit: Fanpop

In true One Tree Hill fashion, everything is kind of backward. So even though Nathan and Haley got married two episodes ago, the gang decides to throw bachelor/bachelorette parties after the fact. This is mostly due to Tim's self pitying; he's upset that he never got to plan a bachelor party (he thinks he would've been Nate's best man) and mostly he just wants to hire a stripper. I don't know that minors can even hire strippers...but I don't think that's the point of the episode.

While the boys plan their night of wild fun, Brooke takes it upon herself to throw Haley a bridal shower (which in reality is a just as a wild bachelorette party). You see, Brooke feels bad for spreading all those rumors about Haley being pregnant so she wants to make it up to her by showering her with gifts and attention. It's not a bad trade in, because nobody plans a party like Brooke Davis.

Keith is still working at the dealership for Dan, and offers Lucas a job there to make some extra cash. Lucas offers to help by taking paperwork over to the hospital so that Dan can sign it, but ultimately offers the job to Nate because he needs the money more. At the hospital, Dan is still being incredibly kind to Deb and Lucas, even going as far as to apologize to Lucas for his past actions. Lucas is very weirded out by this, and later finds saved pictures of himself as a child in Dan's lockbox. He later tells him that this doesn't change a thing, and they agree to try to work on things despite their horrible past.

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Image Credit: Fanpop

Brooke rents out a limo for Haley's party, where Peyton blindfolds her as they await their next location. Not gonna lie, y'all, Season 2 Haley is my least favorite Haley. She becomes kind of aloof and self-centered and I don't love it. The first two episodes she was fine, but starting in this episode her attitude sort of shifts and she begins to get on my nerves. It's like there's a 'too good to be true' thing going on in the early stages of her and Nate's marriage and I guess just knowing what happens this season makes me upset. Anyway, they take Haley to a lingerie store where other girls from the cheerleading team are joining the adventures, and Haley has to dress up all slutty. It's harmless and fun.

Back at Nate's, the guys are playing video games and anxiously awaiting the stripper. Lucas shows up to join them, as well as Gary (Nate's boss from the pretzel place). They all are growing increasingly bored, so Tim pulls out a porno he stole from his dad. Turns out, it's just a sextape of his step-mom. Tim is the worst.

The limo "breaks down" while the girls are en route to another destination and Brooke is "freaking out". "Help" comes sooner than expected. Are you picking up what I'm throwing down with all of these quotation marks? The limo doesn't really break down, y'all. And the help is a stripper. He joins the ladies in the limo and they drive around town having the time of their lives. Their next stop is a strip club (Damn, OTH has a weird obsession with strip joints) where a stripper teaches a drunk Haley how to pole dance. She misses the pole though and falls on her butt. It's funny.

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In one of the most cringey scenes in the history of this show, two female cops arrive at Nathan's apartment after watching Skills, Mouth, and Fergie bring in a keg. Tim mistakes the cops for strippers (yikes) and then hits on them (double yikes) and then proceeds to touch them inappropriately (triple yikes) resulting in him being escorted out of the apartment in handcuffs. Everybody else goes home, and Nate continues to play video games until a very promiscuous stripper shows up (she was late!). Nathan tells her that whole stripping thing won't be necessary and that the party is over, but she insists that she do her job. Instead they end up playing video games which seems very wholesome.

That is, until she gets all creepy and wants Nathan to sleep with her (Uhhh Ms. Stripper, Nathan Scott may be married but he is still very much a minor) and she tells him to meet her in the bedroom. He doesn't; instead we are shown with him in the bedroom reuniting with Haley when she comes home, where he tells her that he had to ask the stripper to leave (LOL). 

The rest of the girls are stuck at the strip club washing dishes because Brooke's credit card has gotten declined. Brooke is freaking out, and insists that Haley go home and be with her husband and hopes that she had a night full of fun. Later, Brooke tries to take cash out of an ATM and is once again denied, which sends her into a panic.

Deb and Dan discuss Haley and Nathan's marriage again, and Deb wants to know how they should intervene. Dan says that they don't have to, that the marriage will self-destruct on its own. I mean, he's not wrong. It literally does. Lucas arrives at the Scott residence to tell Dan that he sucks, but ends up helping him inside as he struggles to walk on his own. I guess this is a sweet moment to end the episode.

Favorite line: "Isn't that what it's all about? If we're not out there looking for the one we want to be with forever then what are doing?" A very drunk Haley to Brooke and Peyton. It breaks their hearts. Poor babies.
Most annoying character: Deborah Scott. She is acting like a goddamn soap opera star. Everything that comes out of her mouth is so dramatic and I hate it.
Best Brooke Davis moment: She makes Haley a fake ID with the name "Trudy Gill" like Tutor Girl! So fun.
Random Observation: Keith goes to Karen's Cafe to tell her that they can't go back to the way things were between them before the proposal. It's a 30 second conversation. I'm wondering why these people don't just call each other. It would save them so much gas. He literally enters the cafe and then leaves a minute later. Like ??? He didn't even get coffee. Y'all,  I understand it's a TV show, but for reals, gas is expensive.

Next time: Two of the most useless characters in the history of the show are introduced! Season 2 is kind of a let down as far as introductions and favorite relationships go, guys. But it's still enjoyable.

XOXO,
Em

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