So clearly I've been struggling to keep up with all of my shows because of midterms and a trip across the country, but I'm happy to report that I am back and ready to blog again in a timely fashion! Instead of writing three separate posts for the episodes of Riverdale I missed, I figured I'd just put all of my thoughts into one messy blog post that is literally just going to be filled with questions because I truthfully have zero idea what is going on.
THIS IS A SPOILER ALERT, BUT HONESTLY IT'S ALSO NOT BECAUSE EVEN IF YOU DO WATCH THE SHOW NONE OF THIS WILL PROBABLY MAKE SENSE TO YOU AND FOR THAT I AM SO SORRY.
Okay so here goes it:
1) Why is Archie's storyline always so disconnected from the other members of the group? Like oh Betty, V, and Jug are all fighting off cult leaders, felon parents, and gargoyles but Archie is going to open a gym! For kids! But oh wait, oh no, he also is boxing! Lots of boxing! And there's crime! So much of it. Why is he never with his friends*? Isn't he the main character?
*He does manage to make time for sex with Veronica though in between the saving the kids and owning a business and punching things.
2) So Betty definitely needs to change her phone number because she's always getting this creepy ass calls. Why does she even answer the phone anymore? In one episode Edgar (RIP) is harassing her, in the next "Polly" is. And then Charles is listening in on her phone calls too! Like honestly girl just make people text you instead.
3) Why do we trust Charles? How do we know he really works for the FBI? Can we please get some more backstory on this man like HOW THE HELL DID ALICE FIND HIM after thinking Chic killed the real Charles back in Season 2? Like are we just gonna overlook all this?
4) Speaking of Charles, why did he make Betty diffuse the bomb on her (their) sister? Like a 17 year old girl is gonna know how to do that but your FBI agent ass isn't. FAKE NEWS.
5) Why do these writers INSIST on having Veronica say "daddy" every other line? It makes me so incredibly uncomfortable. Please stop. Also, her parents are absolute TRASH. Also, I don't think Hermosa is her sister. They can't just give her a random sister like they gave Polly, Jug, and Betty a random brother. I don't accept it.
6) ALSO, how weird is it that Betty and Jughead's parents are back to banging AND they share a sibling? Like this whole thing is so incestuous. I'm missing the good 'ole Season 1 days when Betty was crushing on Archie and not dating her kind of brother.
7) Jughead's storyline is pissing me off. Why are there only 5 students at Stonewall Prep? Why are they all giant dickheads? Where did Moose go? How does this Brett kid not get in trouble for extreme hazing? They fucking buried him alive and nothing happened. What in the hell.
8) I've missed Kevin's commentary, but WOW did we forgive him for dragging Betty across the floor of the farm cult and forcing her to almost get a lobotomy. He apologized like twice. Why are we okay with this? Is it because it's like the least crazy thing going on right now? I don't know.
9) How come Jason's corpse hasn't decayed after TWO YEARS. Also how come the twins are still infants when they should be toddlers? And all this talk about 'Julian' has me thinking that Cheryl didn't swallow him in the womb and that he's alive and going to come back because surprise siblings are all the rage on Riverdale these days.
10) AND POOR TONI. Like what the hell the poor girl is being gaslit by Cheryl and Nana Rose (the MVP of every episode if you ask me). GET OUT OF THERE, GIRL. Go join Stonewall Prep or something I'm sure they have openings only like 5 kids go there! What are you still doing when Jason's corpse and the spirit of Julian within a doll is haunting you?
11) How did Alice get away with the murder of Edgar? Did nobody realize he got shot? I am realizing as I type this that he died and then that was it. No more of that. Okay.
12) Are serial killer genes real? And how would Charles have them too if he isn't related to Hal and Hal was the serial killer? Also how fucked up was that thing with Betty and her cat? Like I am scarred for life after watching that.
13) How did Veronica know that murderer man was going to have a lighter? Was her backup plan to just throw alcohol at his face and run ('cause that's also not a bad idea)? I'M SO CONFUSED.
14) Who is Dodger and why does he have all these little kids working for him? Also what is happening with this community center? Is Archie ever at school? I know Algebra 3 is kicking his ass but like so are these bad guys. I would also like him to stop wearing that costume because it freaks me out a little bit. And how does he get his voice to change when he is stalking Dodger and Co.?
15) Regarding these flash forwards...this is all just like Jughead's book, right? Because none of this makes sense. But that also seems like a cop-out. But also...I don't know. I'm so confused. I was even more confused to see the kids in biology class together.
Okay, those are the questions I have for now (I think). Do you have any? Let me know in the comments!