So I guess last episode was supposed to make us super emotional because everyone's favorite Scott brother (sorry Season 1 Nathan, you just aren't that great yet) was in a coma and recovering from a horrible car accident. But this episode actually had me MORE emotional. Why, you ask? Because turns out Brooke Davis and I have a lot more in common than I originally thought.
Let's just get right into it. Lucas is coming home from the hospital after having his spleen removed. His arm is also in a sling and the doctors aren't sure yet whether or not he'll ever be able to play basketball again. This is what we are supposed to care about after a nearly fatal accident, apparently. I don't give a shit about whether or not Lucas, who we haven't seen throw a ball in several episodes, plays again. I just want all of our main characters happy and healthy again.
Lucas and Karen are greeted at their house by a very happy Brooke Davis, who has decorated Luke's room to be a healthy healing space. Guys, she's so happy to see him, I cannot stress this enough. She's basically jumping up and down. Lucas looks less than thrilled (I've seen that look before and it kills) and Karen is glad that someone is treating her baby boy right. Seriously minutes later, he dumps her. This is where things get interesting for me, because I'm pretty certain that the breakup I just endured (with my bf of almost 2 years, not almost 2 months like Brucas) WAS THE EXACT SAME. Seriously. He said all the same things. It's as if he watched Chad Michael Murray tell Sophia Bush that they weren't working out and memorized the script and recited it to me. Here's the exchange word for word (disclaimer: not word for word at all):
Chad Michael Murray/ex-bf: I gotta figure some stuff out.
Sophia Bush/me: Of course! I'm here for you.
CMM/ex-bf: I don't think that's such a good idea.
SB/me: *displays a look of shock and hurt*
CMM/ex-bf: We should spend some time apart.
SB/me: Are you breaking up with me?
CMM/ex-bf: I'm sorry.
SB/me: Not enough, apparently.
EVERYTHING HURTS AGAIN.
So anyway, my heart is broken all over again. Lucky for me, I, just like Brooke Davis, am a badass and also said some pretty ballsy things when my emotions were being toyed with for no logical reason whatsoever. He's so vague! And such an asshole! And then he goes kissing Peyton like two minutes later, which leads me to believe that all (most) teenage boys are dummies. Serious question for male readers: Do you all practice the CMM face in the mirror? Do you get all your breakup lines from One Tree Hill? Help me out, please. I'm so confused as to how this breakup and mine were SO damn similar.
Peyton and Haley (BFFs!) see Brooke crying in the mall, where she reveals that Lucas told her that he just wants to be friends. Haley gives Peyton the look of death because she knows the real reason for the sudden breakup. Brooke is trying desperately to be okay, and because she cares so much about Luke she wants to know how to best be his friend. Haley says, "Do pretty much what you were doing before, but without the sex." This is where I go WHAT? Because I totally believed (and still believe) that Lucas lost his virginity to Nikki (Jake's ex) later in the season! He hasn't slept with Brooke? Right? Am I wrong here, 'cause I think I'm right? Also: Why is it such a big deal that Haley is a virgin and wants to wait to have sex when Lucas and her are both virgins when the show begins? Y'all, I'm confused.
Lucas and Peyton spend the rest of the episode kissing and flirting and loving on one another. Look, good on him I guess for breaking things off with Brooke when he's really in love with Peyton. BUT the fact that he strung Brooke along in the first place just because Peyton didn't want him is terrible. Brooke is his number two, always. She always plays second fiddle to Pey when it comes to Lucas and it's unfair. Lucas disobeys his mama's orders and goes over to Peyton's house to fool around because he's a horny teenage boy. While there, he falls ill (BECAUSE HE ISN'T FOLLOWING DOCTOR'S ORDERS) and Peyton must take him to the hospital and call Karen. But who is Karen with? Her new friend, Brooke. B wants to be a good friend and so she comes over to chill with Karen and check up on Lucas. She is stabbed in the back so fucking hard.
Once Lucas is revealed to be okay, Peyton tells him that she can't do this anymore because she doesn't want to hurt Brooke. Jokes on her though, because her stupid webcam (seriously, we need to talk about this webcam) caught her and Lucas in a big lie. When Brooke went to check on Lucas, Pey's webcam was open on his computer, revealing that Peyton didn't just "bump into Lucas at the Rivercourt" like she previously claimed. The webcam showed the two of them together in her bedroom. Brooke tells Peyton she never wants to see her or Lucas ever again. The Bitch Davis era has begun, my friends. And I am here for it.
Also in this episode, Deb and Dan fight for custody over Nathan, who realizes both of his parents are pretty shitty individuals. Haley tells him about his rights, and that if wants to, he can actually become emancipated from them. He decides to move to the beach house with Dan for the time being, which is dumb but it's fine.
So friends, has anyone ever broke up with you in the same way that Lucas did with Brooke? Does it make your heart sink that this only breakup one out of three from these two? Who would you rather live with, Deb or Dan? And most importantly, who the hell did Lucas Scott lose his virginity to? Let me know in the comments.
Favorite line: "I don't know what hurts more. You sneaking around behind my back or you lying to my face." Brooke Davis, y'all. Go off.
Most relatable breakup: Lucas dumping Brooke. Asshole.
Funniest moment: Karen being confused as to who Lucas is dating because he breaks up with Brooke and then is with Peyton right after.
Random Observation: Even though she's the worst right now, you can really see the pain in Peyton's eyes throughout the episode. Shit is hitting her hard. It allows for the downward spirals she goes through to make total and complete sense.