Everybody's having a rough day in Tree Hill. Whitey's having eye surgery and can't coach the first game of the playoffs, Lucas learns that Dan originally asked for custody of him, Brooke and Peyton lose Jenny to Nikki at the mall, Jake has to deal with his psycho ex fighting for custody of his daughter, and Nathan gets busted for bookmarking porn websites on his computer. Let's dive in, shall we?
After Dan told Lucas that he wanted custody of him, Luke runs to Mama Roe to ask if he's telling the truth or just being Dan. She tells him that he actually is being truthful and that she didn't want him to have custody because she thought it was in Lucas's best interest if he wasn't raised by, ya know, a douchebag. She also knew about him having Nathan, so she just didn't want to put him through all that. So normally I'd be totally Team Karen, however, once we learn that she never even told Keith about Dan's wish, I feel like she's kind of shady. Yes, Dan Scott is absolute trash, BUT the reason he is such trash is because nobody ever gives him a chance! Like, don't give him custody but at least don't lie about him asking for it.
Brooke and Peyton are back to being BFFs and I'm so relieved because the fighting was exhausting to watch. They go to the mall with Jenny because Jake has to work. While they talk and shop, Nikki comes up from behind them and steals Jenny out of her stroller. She tells Peyton that she's an untrustworthy babysitter and then just walks off with her daughter like it's nobody's business. Listen, I think the most alarming thing about Eyeliner Whore is that she's always so calm and collected when she's being a crazy bitch. She's just like, "What? This is my baby. Bye, guys!" Even though she's a terrible person and Jenny's safety is very much at risk.
Haley borrows Nathan's computer to write her English paper, and while on the Internet she discovers that he has tons of porn sites bookmarked. She has a look of severe disappointment and later brings it up to him telling him that she can't compete with that. This is where Haley gets relatable in my eyes. She even says that she's not a prude, but the idea of Nathan fantasizing about porn stars and then getting her is unsettling. It's an insecurity thing. And they end up fighting because of Nathan's neutral attitude toward it. He just is like "dudes like porn". Like, dude, we know that, but we want you to say "You're so much more beautiful blah blah blah" and then maybe not fucking bookmark the websites? Thank you.
Jake comes to the mall and confronts Nikki, who brings Jenny back in her calm manner and says, "I told you I was just taking her shopping." He storms off with his daughter angry at Peyton and Brooke for being so careless with his child. I can't say that I blame him, but also, Eyeliner Whore is crazy and needs to be stopped. Peyton later apologizes to Jake and he confides in her that he has to leave town to get away from Nikki.
Time for: Emily's Thoughts on This! I have so many conflicted feelings. So let's start with some simple math. Jake = good dad. Nikki = bad mom and person and Bar Slut. Jenny = innocent child. These are just the facts. Obviously I'm hardcore team Jake and believe that if Nikki sued him for custody, he could have a lot of damning evidence to prove that she is a psycho bitch. However, the mall incident doesn't look great in his favor. He also brings up a really good point about how the courts usually side with the birth mother. BUT, with all that being said, I think him taking off with their daughter is going to look WAY worse in court that the mall thing. This looks reckless and crazy. But, nevertheless, I do not get to make decisions for these characters, so Peyton helps Jake get on a boat to Savannah, Georgia (don't tell Nikki!) and says her goodbyes. Don't worry, y'all. We'll see him and Jenny again.
Due to Whitey's absence, Dan has taken it upon himself to coach the first playoff game. Whitey is like, "Please don't," but then Dan does it anyway because he's crazy! Lucas is still recovering from his injury (ya know, where he almost DIED?) and Danny boy just does not care at all. He works him way too hard, resulting in him vomiting on the court. Gross gross gross. BUT all this awfulness by Dan leads to Lucas and Nathan bonding hardcore, in fact, they've been getting along really well since Whitey made Nathan help Luke get back in shape. I LOVE IT!
Nathan and Haley are almost on the right track...until she discovers saved pictures of Peyton in a towel on his computer. C'mon, man. We all know how much he loves Haley, so they aren't recent, but he really should've deleted them a long ass time ago. Be smarter please! (Spoiler alert: He does not get smarter for quite some time, neither of them do) So Haley's very upset about the pics of her new BFF and she's worrying about not being enough and she says "I gave you my heart" and I'm like, "Did he give you a pen?" (Only Say Anything fans will know) and then she leaves and I THOUGHT they made up in the rain before the end of the episode but I am sadly mistaken.
Deb signed the divorce papers in this episode, in case anyone cared. I know you didn't, but I had to mention it.
At the end of the episode, Karen goes over to Keith's to say goodbye and make a long speech about their lives, and then Lucas changes the course of the show (jk) by saying that he wants to go with Keith to Charleston. He wants a fresh start. Oh no! The show can't exist without CMM! (JK again, seasons 7-9 were just fine! Clay and Quinn for the win! Unproblematic favorites!) Okay and that's just how it ends. I thought a lot more happened, but I'm so wrong. A lot of shit happens in the NEXT one though and in the one after that. The timeline of all these events is seriously messing with my head. I think I must've watched it too quickly the first time.
Favorite line: "So now that Lucas has outslutted the both of us, are we back to hoes over bros?" Brooke to Peyton. Brooke definitely has the best lines on this show.
Saddest moment: Peyton saying goodbye to Jake and Jenny. I'm so proud of her for helping him (in his dumb decision) because she wants what's best for him. #Robbed
Best bonding between characters: Nathan and Lucas! My babies!
Random Observation: I am so sick of the Dan and Deb divorce. I hate them both. Who do you hate more? I mean, honestly. I know we all hate Dan, but DEB. She's becoming the WORST.